How to Stop the Programming
Are you sleepwalking through a script? Time to write your own dream.
The following is the third entry in my summer long-form series: Escape the Life of Quiet Desperation. It’s a challenge based on over 7 years of failures and triumphs, healing and excavation. Commit today to get to the top of the mountain, following the activities and challenges issued in each post. I promise you will emerge a better, stronger person. If you missed the first post, start here.
Through August, I’ll be issuing new life-changing challenges—each with lessons to carry forward on your path to the fullest expression of yourself.
This week you’re going to control your inputs, track your internal monologue, and start rewiring your subconscious mind.
As I’m sure you know, the subconscious mind is largely running the show called life. It’s the script running across the lens of our eyes and controlling our every thought, behavior, and action.
By the time we are 35, our brain is almost entirely running on an auto-pilot program, running through the same systems and motions—the same thoughts, habits, and behaviors that make up our entire existence.
If you have ever seen Vanilla Sky (one of my favorite films), there’s a scene where the main character, played by Tom Cruise, leaps off of a building from within a lucid dream—a place of refuge from reality. When he leaps, his life flashes, but so too do his favorite TV shows, movies, cartoons, and pop culture events. Layered atop his own memories, these flashing images serve as a second lens through which he sees his life.
Part of that leap is an escape from his programming. We’re all living in a sort of lucid and manufactured dream.
What happens when we cut the wiring and seek better connections?
Misery, mediocrity, and moderation
There’s nothing the subconscious mind loves as much as mediocrity. It’s the imagined safe zone between apparent danger and total complacency.
Here’s my favorite quote from Dan Millman’s The Peaceful Warrior:
Moderation? It’s mediocrity, fear, and confusion in disguise. It’s the devil’s dilemma. It’s neither doing nor not doing. It’s the wobbling compromise that makes no one happy. Moderation is for the bland, the apologetic, for the fence-sitters of the world afraid to take a stand. It’s for those afraid to laugh or cry, for those afraid to live or die. — Dan Millman
Millman’s idea of moderation always made me think of Thoreau’s famously powerful line: “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation,” which inspired the theme of this series.
It’s painful to know that you are in that rut. It’s downright scary to know that if you don’t change, that rut could be your life in its entirety. It’s easy to remain seated on that fence, caught up in the lives of others. To go within is to go without the safety net of distraction.
A desperate existence awaits all those who compromise. A life of never knowing how far you could have gone — how far you could have pushed yourself.
With sex and food, moderation is good. When it comes to goals, dreams, passions, and purpose, it’s toxic. But if we’re honest with ourselves, we realize that we are wired to seek comfort, avoid “danger,” and not create too many waves.
Living in moderation is an ongoing act of desperation.
You can change that. It all begins and ends in the mind.
The mind loves fear, negativity, and moderation. If you dwell in a state of quiet desperation forever, you’ll likely die quietly as a result — without causing many ripples on the long journey to the middle.
A thoughtful audit
Before it’s too late, you need to audit your mind and do some simple reprogramming. Otherwise, that rut could turn into a well so deep even Batman couldn’t escape it.
Step 1:
Set four or five alarms every day for two weeks. Every time an alarm goes off, answer two simple questions:
What are you thinking?
How are you feeling?
That’s it. Just pay extra attention to negative thinking (That was so stupid, I’m so stupid) and submissive or shame-driven language (I need to, I have to, I should, etc).
Step 2:
After the two-week period has come and gone, review your alarm log.
Here are a few things you can do:
Rewrite the negative thoughts. Shine a positive light on them. For instance, if you wrote: “I sounded like an idiot on that client call,” change it to “I did my best to communicate with the client. I will feel more comfortable next time and am grateful for the experience.”
Take note of self-deprecation and make it a habit to chime in with a healthy rebuttal. Our minds often latch onto things people said many years ago. Set it straight. You are not the product of other people’s opinions.
Identify the origin of your thoughts. For example, anxious thoughts could be coming from the scared child self, while feelings of doubt could be coming from the tyrant who wishes to maintain a comfortable existence (where you belong).
Change submissive language to words of empowerment. When you HAVE to do something, it sounds like a chore at best. And do you really have to do it? Perhaps you actually WANT to do it. Change the words and flip the script like your thoughts depend on it. The word “should” is particularly dangerous, as it’s likely coming from a voice of shame.
Step 3:
Gather, rinse, and repeat. You’ll want to go through this exercise periodically, taking note of improvements. The idea is to reprogram your subconscious mind.
At first, you will find yourself stepping in to interrupt negative thinking. After a while, your thoughts will begin to order themselves.
And when you do hear the scared or tyrannical voices in your head, tell them you’ve got things under control.
Don’t punish yourself. Respond from a place of power and move on. “I hear you. I’ve got this. I’m moving on.”
If you can, go through your written thoughts with a therapist, family member, or trusted friend.
My experience and results
This experience was eye-opening for me. About 60% of my thoughts were negative.
Three things stood out.
I constantly thought about the things I HAD to do and never reflected on wins, big or small.
I talked down to myself a lot. I picked myself apart when things didn’t go as planned, imagining what others might be thinking.
I was rarely thinking about the present moment. I remained stuck in an imagined future, robbing myself of the joys offered only by the here and now.
Further, I found myself repeating some of the same negative phrases. “I’m not doing well.” “I’m exhausted.” “Well, that was stupid.” Such phrases have since been replaced.
After analyzing, discussing, and rewriting my thoughts, I felt empowered to change them. Once a mainstay in my brain, my negative thought spirals rarely gain steam now.
My internal voice is now kinder and more understanding. My thoughts feel more aligned with my actions. I feel calmer, more capable, and more powerful.
Quality thoughts lead to a quality life
To control your thoughts is to control how you respond to life. Give the exercise a full go. I hope it helps you on your journey.
If you try it — or have tried something like it before — please share your experience in the comments.
Try to catch yourself when negative thoughts arise, saying, out loud (or in your head) “Pause. What a pleasure.” or “Pause. Stop the program.”
Whenever you get triggered.
Whenever you find yourself spiraling.
Whenever that inner critic gets loud.
Just pause.
Throughout your waking day, stop and observe your reactive behavior. Question your program. It’s okay if you can’t stop the program at first. Mental wiring is designed to endure. As they say, “neurons that wire together, fire together.” It’s time to forge new pathways. The goal is to become so familiar with all of your negative thoughts, emotional patterns, and behaviors that you’ll gain power over them, eventually putting an end to them.
Every time you notice yourself being reactive, write down your thoughts in your journal and review it.
Whenever you feel yourself thinking and reacting negatively throughout the day, remember to pause. Then do a series of 3 physiological sighs, taking a deep breath through your nose at ⅔ your capacity. Breath in again until you reach full lung capacity, holding for a few moments and releasing with an audible Ahhhh.
Recognize the conditioning of society, family, and self-imposed limitations. As you move through the week, consider the influence of media, education, and social expectations.
A journaling exercise to ground yourself in a new reality
I want you to do this quick daily journal exercise, as well.
1) Each morning, ask yourself:
Who do I want to be today? What would the greatest version of myself think? How would they feel and act?
(really feel it, practicing feeling this new version of yourself when you write this down, spending a few minutes visualizing)
2) Simply write down, right before going to bed …
— How did I do today?
— How can I do better tomorrow?
Find enjoyment in the gratitude. When we think about our ultimate dreams, what we really desire isn’t the end goal. What we truly seek isn’t the goal itself, but the feeling we believe it will bring. So have gratitude for whatever reality you’re having to endure now. And before you know it, your external world will start to shift.
Manifestation is really just about reframing negative thoughts, interrupting negative patterns, and feeling heightened emotions. When you do that, you start to bring that faraway feeling into the present moment.
In the words of Joe Dispenza,
“Energy gives life to matter. To turn a potential into a reality in the quantum field, you have to combine a clear intention with an elevated emotion.”
When we rush through life or “wait away” the uncomfortable moments, we hijack ourselves from being fully present to the only moment we’ll ever have: the now moment.
A recap
It’s time to uncover your “default scripts” and rewrite them. Be radically honest with yourself. What recurring thoughts are coming up every day? Check the word “should” at the door of your mind. Separate what you think you should do from what you know you must do. What is the voice of reason and what is the voice of shame? Identify core emotional patterns. What really drives your behavior? Take the wheel again.
Here’s a recap of the week’s activities:
Set five alarms per day for two weeks and record: A) What you are thinking and 2) How you were feeling.
With a clear mind, revisit and rewrite your thoughts (at the end of each day or the end of each week).
Complete the 7-day journaling exercise above.
Write out a future vision in the form of the ideal day, describing your ultimate future self and ultimate vision for the future, in as much detail as humanly possible. Then record it on your phone, with energy and excitement. Then, listen to it each morning. Be sure to answer the following:
What are you doing? Describe all the activities you would do in one ideal day.
Where are you? Describe your surroundings in your future life.
Who is with you? Describe what you are doing together.
What do you look like? Walk to a mirror in your visualization. Explain what you see in your idealized future self.
How do you feel? Describe the emotions in such detail that you will begin to feel them in your body, now. Make the sounds you make when you are excited about something. This anchors it into your reality.
BONUS ACTIVITIES:
Take a break from all media for 48 hours, especially social media and cable news
Replace modern media with one of the following books: “Self Reliance,” “The Alchemist,” “Loving What Is,” “Man’s Search for Meaning,” “The Body Keeps the Score,” “The Surrender Experiment,” or “When Breath Becomes Air” (you choose).
Write down lessons from your book of choice
Turn the lessons into actions for yourself
Use ChatGPT as an accountability buddy and share your results
Complete this powerful, life-changing healing meditation.
You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. You just need to stop believing every thought you’ve inherited. Start there and watch what happens.
Setting alarms now! Can’t wait to try this exercise. Beautifully written.